Crafting & Pain

Usually on Sundays I try to do some crafting while I watch creative streams on Twitch or catch up on podcasts, but it felt like such a struggle to even pick up my knitting. I just stared at it for about a while. It took forever to get through 2 rows of very simple lace on my shawl, but then I realized that I had dropped 2 stitches. Tried to fix it by laddering down, but I just made it worse and had to pull it out back to the beginning of the lace. An entire day of knitting, wasted on 2 rows, because I was stubbornly trying to not let a migraine control my day off.

This past weekend I had what could only be described as complete brain fry. Saturday was busy with people over for a party. Very fun, the good kind of stress all the way, but I am very certain that I got gluten cross-contamination from the gluten free pizza I had. At first I had though maybe I can’t drink wine anymore, 2 glasses shouldn’t make me feel so awful the next day. I started googling nitrates and nitrites. But then I remembered the pizza after I had the thought that I have felt this type of migraine (the kind that messes with your emotions, creates anxiety, and makes everything seem impossible) since the last time I ate real pizza on purpose. Oh.

On Sunday I felt like I was swimming through a haze of pain in the morning, which subsided to a dull aching brain fog early afternoon, and then jumped right back up to head-in-a-vice pain later that day. It was the kind of migraine where you can’t even explain easily to another person that something is wrong, because they see you up and doing things when you should be in bed with an ice pack. But the thing about migraines is, they often make you think in very irrational ways. With an especially bad one like this past Sunday, you forget to take your abortive medicine because you got distracted by something completely meaningless. And you don’t even think that you should go lay down, the thought doesn’t cross your mind, because you’re trying to distract yourself from the pain by scrolling through the internet and surrounding yourself with the hobby that you use as a stress management tool. Because it’s not there level of pain that makes you want to vomit, yet. Because in the moment, it makes sense. Because to go lay down in bed is to give in and be defeated by this pain.

This past summer had been a difficult one for my migraines. I’ve been careful with my diet, even tried Whole30 to see if there was another food thing contributing (there isn’t). But the weather affects my migraines. And we have had the worst weather this summer for as long as I can remember. So many thunder storms, so much high humidity and hot days in between. But there’s no preventative med for the weather migraines. So here I am, having more days than I’d like where I’m distracted and grumpy. I’m most happy when I’m making things, and not being able to make because your head feels like a bowl of chowder in a vice, is a very frustrating thing.

Here’s a picture of my adorable cats, because fluffy kitties are the best and I have no relevant yarn related picture for this post.